I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize