Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
