I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize