One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
