We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
