I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize