cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
