Me. At least after what I've been through.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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