So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
