I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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