Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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