there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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