even my farts smell like vagina
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
