Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
