You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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