Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
