we have pet lesbian snakes
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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