i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
