The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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