If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
