Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
