i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
