I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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