I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
