those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
