Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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