Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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