just tell him i said nine months
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
