I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
