I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The ass gains better be worth it
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
