i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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