All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Please don't give away my fajitas
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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