Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
