Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
