Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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