Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
