last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize