my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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