She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
