i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
