my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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