hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
