As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Randomize
