I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
