I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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