Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
