My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
