you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
