so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
