Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
