I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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