Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
