; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize