Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
