McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
True college students do jello shots in the library
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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