Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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