Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
