I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
