i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
