I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
