Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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