um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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