so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He keeps bees of course he's weird
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
