hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
