my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
