last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
