ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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