Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize