He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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